As my official start date for medic school grows closer and closer (21 more days…but who’s counting, right?), I find myself battling more emotions than I ever thought possible. The two biggest right now would have to be sheer excitement and fear.

Right now I find myself in a place I’m not very used to.  I am HAPPY.  Sure, there are days when the alarm clock goes off and I don’t want to get out of bed and deal with the world.  I mean, who doesn’t have days like that?  However, I finally have found my niche.  A job that I can’t imagine ever stopping, and that affords me the potential of helping people and making a difference.  Which, by the way, is a HUGE reason why I love this job.  Being able to make someone smile, or laugh in a time of need for them, or when they just feel worn out from spending four hours on a dialysis machine…it almost makes me feel like a rock star.  Achieving my NREMT-P will allow me to touch these people’s lives in a different fashion.  Instead of being the guy that sits there and tells them they are in good hands, and that everything will be okay, I’ll be the guy that is actually attempting to ease their pain.  Make those crushing chest pains go away.  Telling a child that I’m going to do everything I can to help his daddy will be more than just words then…it will be actions.  I pride myself in the relationships I have with my patients.  Even if it’s only for the fifteen minutes that I spend with them in the box of that truck.  Being able to help them is what drives me. And this will increase their trust in me.

Then there is the F word.  No, not the one you used to sneak around using when you were younger.  Fear…the one thing that stops most from achieving their goals, and more often than not causes epic failures.  Fear is what causes second guesses.  “Am I giving this the right way?  Did I figure the dosage correctly?” With me right now, those are the things I am dealing with.  I always said the one reason I didn’t want to go into EMS was because I didn’t want to play God.  Being able to help save someone’s life, but being able to just as quickly end it with one mistake wasn’t for me.  And then I became an EMT and now I’m not as scared of it, but the thought still looms.  My partner in crime has really helped push me to get to this point.  She reminds me how much I love what I do, and how much potential and passion for this profession I have.  And yet, she also supports my fear by saying it is a good thing to have a little because it means you have respect for what you are about to do.  And she is right. That’s why I’m not too worried about suppressing the fear.  Because it will keep me level. I mean hey, a little fear has never hurt anyone….has it?